No Respect

This woman, my ex, clearly has no respect for me... or herself for that matter. She's been putting off getting her things from the apartment... I'm certain it's due to her constant desire to have fun. God forbid she'd ever have to take time from her fun to sort through her life. And an hour ago now, she said she'd be here... only to send me a text five minutes ago saying she's running late and will be here a half hour after she originally said she'd be here. I'm not surprised really... she's only shown how little she cares, how little respect she has for me... I can't help but wonder if she's doing it so obviously as to let me know. I mean, who forgets their notice (leaving an apartment) two days in a row when such huge things are going on in their life?! And if you did forget it at work, wouldn't you go back and pick it up, especially if there was a deadline, especially if your job was only a 25 minute drive, especially if you had a key to get in after hours??

She called me in the middle of the night a couple nights ago. 12:30am to be exact. Didn't leave a message or anything. I was sleeping and my phone was on silent, so I didn't hear it. I did, however, awake at 2:30-ish and had an intuition to check my phone. I refrained from contacting her at the time. I don't know why she called me in the middle of the night. I don't know what she's doing, why she's so lost, who she is anymore... but she has caused me serious pain and only continues to disrespect and dishonor me and what we had. I've come to a sad and sorrowful conclusion that she is not worthy of being in my life. This person has thrown me aside like a piece of garbage. Whatever her reasons for leaving, I'm still valuable and deserve to be treated with respect. I don't want someone (a friend OR lover) in my life who's' going to lie to my face and cheat and disregard my existence by ignoring me until it's convenient for them to contact me or until they feel they've ignored me long enough that I'll understand the little importance I play in their life... someone who can't deal with the reality of life or their own issues, who needs to escape themselves by drinking and partying and always running away from anything or anyone who reveals the work they should be doing. She clearly doesn't believe she deserves true happiness or she would stop chasing straight girls who might be fun for a while but in the end will probably break her heart, and I can't help but wonder if she subconsciously feels she deserves that heartbreak. Or maybe it's that she can't handle the true commitment a mature lesbian would offer.

I know this -- I'm making the decisions in my life now. I will not share our dog. She takes her or I do. I don't want her belongings in the apartment any longer... even if we are both paying for July's rent. It's time to move on now. This relationship is over, and it's time to wrap it up.